apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
