UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
