he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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