how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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