Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
