I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
