my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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