i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
