if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
