Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
