I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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