so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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