At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
