I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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