okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
