there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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