Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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