before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
