fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
