$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
