Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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