I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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