I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
