can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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