the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
