Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
