Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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