I just pynch a tree in the face
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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