you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
