So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
