Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
