Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
