I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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