My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
