yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't make out with my wife yet
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
