I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
