I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
