just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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