dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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