alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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