Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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