she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
