I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
