my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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