I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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