There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
