so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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