there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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