I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
