While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
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Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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