The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
