I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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