got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
