i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
