I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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