Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Sober January is a disaster.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
