This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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