i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
