My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
