Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
dude. I can hear the air.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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