did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
