The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
