i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
