Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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