Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
