Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
