so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I need water and some morals
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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