why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
