You made me cry and you don't even care
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
