tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
