We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
