i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
